Open Letter to Momma Nature: Substandard Michigan Winter

Momma Nature:

I am contacting you on behalf of Ice Fishermen and winter Sportsmen across southern Michigan. Although this correspondence is coming after you have decided to finally turn the water into ice; the concerns laid out herein are still true and valid.

Michigan is well known as a state that incurs four seasons. The seasons being Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter. Each season has weather conditions that are expected as the calendar turns. Winter, as this is what is in contention, is expected to be cold and snowy. With the cold, the inland lakes, as well as bays of the Great Lakes and some tributary rivers, freeze solid enough to support a human with fishing gear. Sportsmen have an expectation for you to make this happen. However you have failed them.

Many towns and business rely on you to freeze the above mentioned bodies of water. This long standing reliance allows them to prepare for the upcoming freeze by stocking their business to accommodate the humans who need to supply themselves for fishing excursions on the above mentioned FROZEN bodies of water. It is not debatable, this year you have also failed them.

This winter you have taken it upon yourself to delay the freezing of the lakes and the amount of snowfall has been sub-par. No matter what reason you have for the delay it is inexcusable. You have a duty to the Sportsmen of this fine State to follow through on past practices. Waiting until the middle of January to freeze bodies of water to a safe level is not within those expectations.

As referenced above, this correspondence comes after you have the lakes frozen to a safe thickness. On behalf of the Sportsmen of Michigan, thank you for doing your part. However the delay in this process can not be ignored.

Prior to the recent freeze many Sportsmen had resorted to mock fishing on puddles in their driveways, shopping with their loved ones, spending too much money on new ice fishing gear, pacing in circles among, holding meaningful conversations with their spouses and other abominable things. These were done to satisfy or overcome the primordial instinct to fish during winter as a direct result of your failing to provide Winter.  Rumor is some Sportsmen have even taken up needle point and crocheting. The bizarre actions are a direct result of you failing in your longstanding expectations.

Michigan has long been know as “The Winter Wonderland.” This slogan has even adorned license plates issued by the State. This year southern Michigan has been anything but a Winter Wonderland. Your attempt to live up to the standard expectation has been mediocre at best. As one of countless Michiganaders who enjoy ALL four seasons I implore you to rectify these wrongs.

This correspondence is to indicate to you that the wrongs you have done to the winter Sportsmen of Michigan have not gone unnoticed. These wrongs need to be corrected immediately. Further the Sportsmen of Michigan stand ready to pursue this matter to whatever extent is needed to remedy the wrongs.

Truly yours;

Nimrod

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